Secret Love
by mockingjayfelicis
Summary: Prompt. Oneshot. It's a week before Finnick is due to marry the love of his life, and Johanna decides to confess her feelings for him.


**Prompt: Can you write a one shot where Johanna confesses her love for Finnick? But he rejects her? Thanks!**

Finnick walked the bland, poorly-lit grey corridors of the District 13 compound, following signposts pointing to the hospital. He'd just dropped Annie off at her morning therapy session with Dr Garcia, and had decided to visit Johanna and Peeta in the hospital to see how they were doing. The compound was much larger than he had expected it to be, but after taking three wrong turns and asking a middle-aged man dressed in the standard District 13 uniform (a grey t-shirt and grey trousers) for directions, he finally found the compound's hospital ward.

Finnick asked the receptionist if it was alright to talk to his friends, and she allowed him to go inside – but there was only one bed occupied at the far end of the ward, and it was occupied by Johanna.

"Where's Peeta?" Finnick asked, as he set himself down in the chair beside Johanna's bed.

"The doctors took him away to run more tests on him. They're trying to figure out exactly how the Capitol hijacked his brain. Then hopefully they'll be able to treat him."

Finnick nodded. His heart sank at the sight of Johanna looking so weak and fragile. She was frightfully underweight, so an IV line was pumping nutrients into her body. Her hair had only just started to grow back in, and she had dark circles under her tired eyes. Finnick could tell that Johanna hadn't got a single minute's worth of sleep since she arrived here. The girl in front of him was so different to the strong, feisty, powerful young woman he used to know. The Capitol had broken her.

Without thinking, Finnick asked the first obvious question that came to his mind.

"How are you?"

But immediately he regretted it. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head.

"Sorry," he said. "That was stupid of me."

"Don't worry about it," Johanna lifted one corner of her mouth into a smile.

The two remained silent for a few moments, the only sound coming from the rhythmic beeping of Johanna's heart rate monitor.

"How's Katniss?" Johanna asked eventually.

"Okay. I mean, she's as good as you can be in her situation."

Johanna nodded understandingly.

"Poor girl."

A cheeky smile stretched across Finnick's face.

"Johanna Mason, did you just express some sympathy for the Girl on Fire?"

"Shut up," she smirked, giving Finnick a push on the arm.

"The Ice Queen is cracking," stated Finnick.

"The Ice Queen has cracked," Johanna corrected him quietly, staring at the opposite side of the room.

Finnick reached for Johanna's hand.

"It's going to be okay, you know," he told her with a smile, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

Johanna didn't say anything, so Finnick continued.

"They're going to reverse whatever the Capitol did to Peeta, and he's going to realise that he does love Katniss. The doctors are going to fix you up until you're healthy and strong again. And Annie's doing really well with her therapy assignments, you should see her, she's come on leaps and bounds. Her consultant's got her into this creative therapy thing, and she loves it, our compartment's full of all her drawings and paintings."

But at the mention of Annie's name, Johanna looked down at her bedsheets.

"What's wrong?" Finnick asked.

Johanna's heart skipped a beat. Should she tell him? Should she just come out and say it, right here, right now? It would be a big risk. A very big risk.

The truth was, Johanna's feelings for Finnick had developed into something more, something deeper than friendship over the past few years. He was there for her after she won her Games, always offering a helping hand or a listening ear. She was attracted to him almost immediately, but her fear and vulnerability having come straight out of the arena, and of course, Finnick's girlfriend, Annie, had caused her to take a step back, and so she and Finnick remained friends and nothing more.

He introduced her to her grim new life as a mentor, and although travelling between the districts was forbidden, every time the two of them met in the Capitol because of their mentoring duties, Johanna fell just a little bit harder for the handsome Victor, despite his flirtatious nature which would have usually made her cringe and his bad reputation for sleeping around with rich Capitol citizens. It started off as a childish crush – she was just a teenage girl admiring the tall, charming, attractive Finnick Odair, just like every other teenage girl in Panem. She expected it was just a phase she'd soon get over, but as young Johanna grew into a woman, her feelings grew, too. So much so that when she declared in the Quarter Quell that there was no one left who she loved, she was downright lying.

"Nothing's wrong, it's just... my head... my head hurts," Johanna fibbed, closing her eyes and rubbing her temple to make it more believable.

Finnick stood up quickly.

"Should I get a nurse?" he asked, concern visible on his face as he prepared to run out the door and find some medical assistance.

"No," said Johanna abruptly, holding out her arm. "No, I'm fine. Sit down."

Finnick reluctantly sat down. She lowered her arm and took a deep breath.

Johanna had never been in a serious relationship before – she'd only been involved in flings and one-night stands with both men and women back in District 7. The thought of commitment intimidated her, although she'd never admit it. Looking back, she realised that the night Finnick confided in her about the true nature of his seedy affairs in the Capitol was the night her attitude changed. She wanted to be with Finnick, no matter what.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Finnick asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she smiled.

Finnick smiled back as Johanna endured an internal battle with herself.

_Tell him! _Don't be stupid. _You never know what he might say. _He's got Annie, he won't want me. _Maybe he wants you more than he wants Annie..._

"Look, Johanna, I... I better go. Annie's therapy session ends soon and I'm going to pick her up."

_It's now or never._

"Wait! I mean, don't go yet. I need to tell you something."

"Tell me what?" asked Finnick, tilting his head to the side.

Johanna's bottom lip quivered. She could feel her body trembling, and her heart rate monitor was practically singing she was so nervous.

"I... well..."

Finnick looked at her patiently. He held her hand again and she sighed.

"It's okay, Jo. Whatever it is, you can say it. It'll stay between us, I promise."

The touch of his skin was both comforting and exhilarating. Johanna cursed herself for being so pathetic. _Just get it over with._

"What if I didn't want you to go back for Annie?" she said slowly.

Finnick smiled obliviously.

"Don't worry, we'll both come and visit you later on. I know you must get so bored, lying here by yourself all day -"

"No, Finnick. That's not what I mean."

Finnick looked at her with a puzzled expression. Johanna took another deep breath.

"What if I didn't want you to go back for Annie at all?"

"Johanna, what are you talking about?"

Johanna pushed herself up in her bed so that her face was level with Finnick's. Finnick looked more bewildered by the second.

"I want you to stay here with me," she whispered. "I want you to stay here with me, and forget all about Annie. You can't deny the bond we have, Finnick. You said yourself I was special. Just how special am I to you?"

Johanna leaned her face in closer to Finnick's. He recoiled as soon as he realised what she was trying to do.

"No," he said simply, shaking his head.

"What do you mean 'no'?"

Finnick stood up.

"Annie and I are getting married!" he hissed. "You know that, Johanna!"

"Of course I know that! She's all you talk about!" Johanna was shouting now. "Annie this, Annie that! God, change the record for five minutes, will you?"

"Lower your voice! And what's gotten into you?!"

"I love you, Finnick!"

Silence.

"There, I said it. I love you, Finnick."

Finnick sighed and sat back down.

"Oh, Johanna..." he muttered, bringing his hands up to his face. "What's brought all this on?"

"I don't know, maybe the fact I was almost tortured to death a matter of days ago. It made me realise... I've wasted so much time. So much effort, being angry and bitter and resentful. I don't want to be unhappy anymore, Finnick."

"Hey..." Finnick leaned forward and started gently rubbing Johanna's arm as tears filled her eyes. She looked at him.

"You don't need me to be happy," he switched his angry tone for a soft one. "You can do that just fine on your own. And I promise you, Jo, one day, you're going to meet a brilliant person, and you'll know, trust me, you'll know, that they're everything you've been searching for. That person's just not me."

Johanna sniffed and nodded.

"You _are _special to me, that wasn't a lie. You're one of the bravest, most confident, and in your own way, kindest people I've ever met. And that'll never change. But I love Annie," he said. "I love Annie and I'm going to marry her next week. I can only hope that you'll be pleased for us."

Johanna nodded again.

"I am," she said. "I am pleased for you."

Finnick smiled, but he got the feeling that Johanna wasn't being entirely truthful. He looked at his watch.

"I really have to go now," he said cautiously.

"Yeah," Johanna replied simply.

"No one apart from us needs to know about this, Jo."

She looked at him, surprised and relieved.

"I'll see you soon, yeah?" he smiled.

"Yeah. Yeah, see you soon."


End file.
